Funny Books is back, and ready to piggy back on that sweet, sweet Avengers gravy train. From now until the premiere of Avengers: Age of Ultron, Funny Books will take a look back at some of the Avengers’ most important moments. This week, we get right back on track with comic’s most heroic couple, the genocidal Scarlet Witch and her synthezoid husband Vision!
Ah, the The Scarlet Witch and the Vision, two star crossed lovers that never had a chance. Literally. He’s a robot with questionable genitalia, and she’s insane.
But today we’re not here to judge this strange couple. No, we’re here to discuss the elephant in the room that is The Scarlet Witch’s (and Quicksilver’s) parentage. You see, it was in this very issue of Vision & Scarlet Witch, created by Bill Mantlo and Rick Leonardi in 1983, that we learn who the Avenging Twin’s father was. We’re also reminded that the twins were delivered by a talking cow:
This probably needs a little back story. Before this issue, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver had been given various origins stories. The first, them being raised by gypsies and forced to flee after being outed as mutants, has remained more or less intact. The second, however, was not. Because in their second origin, the twins were revealed to be the children of the Golden Age Timely Heroes The Whizzer and Miss America. This was their backstory for most of the 70s.
Then it was explained that they weren’t actually the Whizzer’s kids. Miss America had a miscarriage and the cow woman, talking pity on the couple, switched the babies and tried to give the Whizzer Wanda and Pietro. It seems that from the start, these two characters were the subject of ownership debates.
But where did Bova the Cow-Woman (god, I love writing that) get the extra kids? Internet? No. By sheer luck, Bova had taken in a woman who was on the run from her crazy husband with weird powers. She woman died shortly afterwards, giving birth to the twins mentioned above. But the mystery remains, who was the father?
Magneto. It was Magneto. Of course it was Magneto.
The whole first half of the issue was a disguised Magneto visiting Bova the Cow-Woman and discovering that his dead wife gave was pregnant when she left him. And who was she pregnant with?
Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch. It was Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch. Of course it was Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch.
So while Magneto is going through a very surreal Jerry Springer moment, the Scarlet Witch and her husband the Vision are visiting their new niece Luna on the moon.
I guess now, halfway through the article, is a perfect place to explain the premise of The Scarlet Witch and Vision comic. This title briefly explored the married of the Scarlet Witch and Vision, and usually had some sort of big personal reveal in them. The Magneto thing is this issue’s reveal, and later issues would see the break-up of Quicksilver and Crystal’s marriage, and the birth of The Scarlet Witch’s kids. It’s actually a pretty neat run if you can find it.
Eventually, Magneto finds his missing kids and well…
They aren’t exactly glad to see the guy who kept them in indentured servitude and got them labeled mutant terrorist. Kids can be so ungrateful at times.
The fight goes on until Luna starts crying and we get the closest thing we have to a Marvel-Hallmark moment:
This was actually a pretty cool moment since the first time Magneto stopped fighting the X-Men was when he thought he killed a 13-year old Kitty Pryde. Its a consistent portrayal of Magneto’s personal honor code was had been recently introduced.
The sad thing is that Marvel recently retconned the whole Magnus Family in the comics because they don’t’ own the movie right to Magneto. The thing is, having Magneto as a father explains so many things, like the twin’s propensity for madness, never joining the X-Men proper, Quicksilver’s hair, his attachment to them during their time in the Brotherhood of Mutants. It also ups the twin’s coolness factor by like 2.
Now the twins are just boring Inhumans, which kinda makes the whole M-Day thing seem really racist in retrospect.