The boys are back in town, but can they get back in the park?
The ninth season of Trailer Park Boys was just released exclusively on Netflix on March 27. I’ve been a fan of the show for a couple of years now, so it was only natural for me to watch all 10 episodes within a couple of days. To celebrate this new chapter in the boys’ uniquely screwed up adventures, I’ve compiled some words of wisdom that we can all learn from.
For those who haven’t seen these episodes yet, but plan to, I’ve made this list as spoiler-free as possible. A few plot points are revelaed for contextual purposes, but the vast majority of details are safely obscured.
1. The Pathway to Success is Reverse Psychology
From Julian in Episode 1: “Why in the Fuck is My Trailer Pink?”
As always, the series begins with the boys being released from jail after the last season’s shenanigans.Julian is leaving the slammer with positivity and self-improvement after having read up on the science of reverse psychology. Whether this new outlook on life will lead to both short-term and long term success for our sexy friend, well, you’ll have to find out for yourself.
2. Stand Up for Your Friends, and for Yourself
From Randy in Episode 2: “A Stable Fucking Environment”
Randy is caught up in some mixed emotions this season. Mr. Lahey is going after Barb (i.e. women) again, and has more or less left Randy out in the cold when he hires a new trailer park safety officer, Colonel Leslie Dancer. Randy is emotionally hurt and berated multiple times,and he won’t stand for it. It’s scenarios like these that show you who’s really got your back, and who doesn’t.
3. Do What Feels Good
From Barb in Episode 3: “Anointed in Liquor”
As I just mentioned, Barb and Lahey are on the verge of making it work again. At least, making it work in the bedroom. Sarah and Donna don’t approve, but Barb makes a solid argument for herself. She doesn’t know if it’s really the best idea, but it makes her feel good, and she’s happy that way. It’s important to be in tune with your needs and do what feels right, even when others may not approve or understand.
4. When You Buy Storage Units, You’re Buying the Shithole, Not the Shit In It
From Tommy and Cyrus in Episode 4: “George Green: Industrial Cock Inhaler”
Julian and J-Roc are storing Roc Vodka in a greasy motel that’s been turned into storage units, but come across some trouble when the owner Tommy won’t let them take their stuff until he gets his money. Julian finds a way to just buy the place out from under him, then holds an ill-conceived auction to make money from everyone else’s stuff in storage. As you might expect, things don’t really go as planned, but can you really put a price on lessons like these?
5. Being Soft is the Quickest Way to Lose a War
From Leslie in Episode 5: “The Motel Can’t Live at the Motel”
The aforementioned Colonel Leslie Dancer is a new character to this season, and a pretty entertaining one at that. He quite literally runs the trailer park like a military base, and even Lahey and Barb, his bosses, have trouble getting him under control. More often than not he goes off on rants about the multiple wars he fought in, how life isn’t fair, and so on. Leslie runs a “dry” liquor-free park, and claims that letting in “one tiny drop of alcohol the size of an ant’s rectum” will jeopardize the entire mission. No exceptions. It’s a solid argument considering the boys’ past activities in the park, but it’s also clear he has a few screws loose.
6. It’s Hard Being a Dad to Someone Who’s Harder Than You
From J-Roc in Episode 6: “Sweet Liquory Load”
Resident rapper, entrepreneur and party bus owner J-Roc has been in the show from the beginning, but this is the first time he’s given the responsibility of raising one of his own illegitimate children. And as it turns out, this little guy has the attitude (and the mouth) of a full-fledged adult. J-Roc has a tough time getting his son to respect him whatsoever. You can only be called “Mayonnaise-Colored Mahfucka: and “Ice Ice Maybe” so many times before breaking down. But all it takes is some time and a supportive group of friends to help you get through it. Ya’ll be tight as long as your sluts got your back, sayin’?
7. Canapulps are Fucking Awesome
From Ricky in Episode 7: “Piss”
Throughout this season we see Lahey and Barb trying to get investors to buy out the trailer park. For reasons you can see for yourself, Julian wants to make sure the appraisal goes so bad that it drives down the value of the park. He enlists the help of Ricky to make sure things go awry, which we quickly see is like letting a child run loose in a public restroom.
8. You Don’t Need a Man in Your Life
From Donna and Sarah in Episode 8: “A Dancer for Money”
Things eventually go sour for Barb and she is left at the end of her rope. In all of the episodes leading up to this point, she’s been getting clear messages from Donna and Sarah that she doesn’t need a man to make her happy, and now she’s ready to hop on the independent woman wagon. It’s definitely empowering to find the strength that’s within yourself.
9. Things Get Screwed Up When You Turn Your Back on the Liquor
From Lahey in Episode 9: “Sam-Squamptches and Heli-Cocksuckers”
As we’ve seen time and again, Jim Lahey is only truly himself when he is off the wagon. The plans he puts into action while ridiculously hammered are, somehow, the ones where he ends up on top. When the season starts, Jim has been sober for 6 months. I don’t think it will shock anyone to say that this doesn’t last, but the real question remains—will this happen soon enough for Lahey to come out on top again?
10. You Don’t Need a Fancy Shed—Just Your Friends and Family
From Bubbles in Episode 10: “The Liquor Snurf”
Details spared, the season follows the trend of all the others and turns out bright and sunny at the end. Bubbles learns that he got a little ahead of himself this time with possessions and is reminded that, no matter what you lose, being with your loved ones is really what matters. Of course, it helps if you have some nice liquor, dope and warm kitties.