5 Characters I’m Praying Will Make It Into Smash Bros DLC

Smash Bros has been a game of wish fulfillment from the very beginning. It’s the fighting game every nerd and geek who’s ever played the “who would win” game for hours on end would make. It’s justifiably one of the brightest stars in the Nintendo galaxy, and one of the few franchises to not hark back to at least Super Nintendo days. I, like everyone else you know, have a wish list of characters that I’d love to see as DLC. I’ll be ignoring issues of copyright. These are my fantasy picks, and if copyright issues enter into your fantasy world then you’re probably a lawyer or a pervert.

5. Geno – Super Mario RPG

I loved this game and spent two summers playing through it on a rotating schedule with my little brothers. There were a bunch of characters from this game that seemed to fit uneasily into the Mario universe and never showed up again. Geno was a warrior from Star Road sent to possess a doll and help Mario defeat Smithy, an invading warlord from another dimension, and restore the Star Road and the power of wishes.

With ranged attacks like firing cannon shot from his elbows and stars from his fingers Geno could be a powerful ranged fighter. His warrior spirit and slightly creepy man-sized doll looks would give the game another character with strong visual appeal. We really don’t need another character in a bodysuit.

Don’t worry, I won’t bring up Mallow, but I will say it’d be cool to give Bowser, or perhaps baby Bowser if the leak is to be believed, his chain chomp attack from the game.

4. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

TMNT were featured in their very own Smash Bros inspired game five years ago, so I know the developers have the models ready to go. They are just sitting on these teenaged reptiles waiting for us to say it loud enough, “We want the Turtles in Smash Bros!” So say it with me, “Turtles smash!”

They’re recently out with a brand new movie, so they’re back in the public consciousness in a big way. They’re ninjas, so they are purpose built for a fighting game and they can largely be clones of each other with a few tweaks for signature weaponry. I say this to encourage the devs to include all of the Turtles, because so help me God, if the just throw in Leonardo I’ll illustrate just how much damage a bo staff can do. Anyway, pizza based attacks are definitely something I’m looking forward to, but “Cowabunga!” may become the new “Falcon Punch!”

I’d love to see Splinter and a more classic rendition of Shredder (robo-suit Shredder was a big disappointment in the movie) make it into a DLC pack as well, but that might be being a little greedy.

3. Viewtiful Joe –Viewtiful Joe 

Time manipulation powers might not be the easiest thing to pull off in a multi-player arena game, but Smash Bros could use a little cool-guy attitude. Viewtiful Joe just oozed early oughts attitude. His cel-shaded style resonated with those of us who grew up on comic books, and his audience driven superpowers prefigured the “look at me” generation of twitter-funny and tumblr fiction.

He’s a character with great energy, a mildly annoying catch phrase and even a sexy sidekick they can bring in for the next installment. He’s rocked a spot in the Marvel Vs. Capcom franchise, so he should be able to hold his own in Smash Bros.

2. Eddie Riggs – Brutal Legend

I want Jack Black’s voice in a Smash Bros game! There isn’t exactly a whole lot of room for talking, but surely we can work it in.

Despite Brutal Legend being as much a strategy game as an action game, Eddie held his own on the battlefield, and he should be able to crank it up to 11 in the arena. He wields a combination of spiked accessories, magical powers and loud noises with lethal efficiency and dedication to True Metal. Watching Eddie and Bowser, the most metal Smash Bros character, go at it would be a thing to behold.

Plus I have faith in the dev team coming up with a really bitchin’ Brutal Legends stage. Crush out some power chords, bang your head and make an old metal head happy!

1. Max Payne – Max Payne

Yup, the pill-popping, gun wielding ex-detective should bring his death-of-the-family fueled murder binge to Smash Bros. He’s got lots of guns and a won’t quit attitude. With bullets and blood his only companions most recently, it might do him some good to hang out with some fluffier characters. Being eaten, or whatever it is Kirby does to people, might be unpleasant, but I’m sure Jigglypuff gives some great hugs afterward.

Let’s give Max Payne a hug. He could use it.

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