It’s a simple fact of life: everyone knows an Elvis fan. But only a select few of us are lucky enough to know an individual who believes that Elvis is still alive. Especially these days, when The King would be nearly 80 years old. Lucky for you, faithful readers, that you know me because I believe all kinds of crazy shit. I believe in chemtrails and aliens and fake moon landings, but I especially believe the idea that the King of Rock and Roll is not only alive and well, but laughing his old ass off at all of the idiots that believe that he is dead and Paul McCartney is still alive. Here are the top 10 totally not true but possibly somewhat plausible, completely for entertainment and enjoyment, reasons why…
10. This tombstone.
Elvis’ legal name was Elvis Aron Presley – notice that the middle name only has one “A”. It is spelled this way on his birth certificate (see circled section above) and his death certificate. But on his tombstone (and suspiciously enough his Wikipedia page) his middle name is spelled Aaron.
Why? Some people say that Elvis always planned to change the spelling of his middle name but never did. Others say it’s because…
9. There was a wax figure in Elvis’s casket at his funeral.
Now hear me out. Supposedly, Presley’s coffin weighed 900 pounds and the air around it was cool (as opposed to the balmy August temperatures in Memphis), because there was an air conditioner in the coffin. Also, supposedly, people who attended the funeral who had known Elvis for years noticed inconsistencies on the body in the coffin. Elvis’s hands were smooth, not calloused like every other 8th degree martial arts black belt in the world. And his eye brows appeared to be fake. And one of his sideburns fell off of his face during the viewing. Again, supposedly.
Oh yeah, and Elvis isn’t buried next to his mother as he had requested. Instead he’s buried next to his father and grandmother.
8. Black Helicopters
A lot of this speculation is fueled by the numerous reports of a helicopter landing on the Graceland property on the day of Elvis’s death. Numerous people have said this, and a lot of them say it was a black helicopter, which means that it was a scary secret government helicopter. The belief is that Elvis (who, by the way, reportedly always said that he would “Look better in his coffin”) faked his death either to avoid a mob hit (and enter witness protection as a mob informant) or to continue his life as an anti-drug crusader, which, as ironic as it sounds considering what we think we know about his death, he most certainly was. Elvis may have been a drug addict, but he was a wealthy and experienced drug user and the idea that he died of an unintentional drug overdose is silly, I mean, come on this isn’t Sid Vicious we’re talking about.
7. Mr Burrows
Oh yeah, on the day Elvis died, after the black helicopter left,, someone allegedly matching Elvis’s description purchased a ticket to Buenos Aires at Memphis International Airport, which isn’t a big deal. However, the name the man used to purchase the ticket? Jon Burrows, which is an alias Elvis often used to check into hotels while on tour..
Well, now it’s time to blow your mind. Excuse me, I mean BLOW YOUR MIND! Consider this, if Elvis really died on August 16, 1977… then how was he spotted as an extra in Home Alone, the 1990 American Christmas comedy that not only introduced the world to Macauly Culkin, but showed us all the comedic side of Joe Pesci? Watch this scene with Catherine O’Hara… see that tall guy with the facial hair? A lot of people (well, not a lot, but a surprisingly not zero number of people) believe that this man is Elvis Presley.